When Life Gives You Parallel Emotions
For the most part, I would consider myself to be an optimist. I choose to look on the sunny side of life. But feeling immense happiness and weeping at the same time seems so incongruous. It’s an odd fit.
This past month has been a series of beginnings and endings. My middle child, Julianna, graduated college. It was a big milestone for her and of course, for us. A mixed bag of emotions~~tremendous pride because she is such a beautiful individual with so much to offer our world; a deep joy in watching her success; a sense of accomplishment that we have gotten yet another child through college; and sadness that life seems to be going so fast. Wasn’t it just yesterday that she was sitting on my lap as I was reading her a bedtime story?
Our youngest daughter, Elisabeth had her senior prom. Geez, I remember my senior prom like it was yesterday. She has grown up to be a lovely young woman, full of excitement about her future. College decisions are made, finals are around the corner, and she will be off to start her new life in August. Our son flew home for the festivities and the nest was full. So was my heart.
We were able to spend even more time with our son, Benjamin during a recent business trip to Washington, DC. He took me to his new office. Boy, have things changed! His workplace was more like a fine hotel, 5 star restaurant, state of the art gym facilities and desks that move when you do. So exciting for him….and I am so happy and proud.
Our Nation’s capital never disappoints as we walked the Mall during one warm evening.
My heart is bursting with pride that we have 3 marvelous individuals that we are giving to the world. But with that comes a sense sadness that is a new experience for me. Where did all the years go?
Motherhood has been the best job of my life. I’ve been a corporate executive, a small business owner and have volunteered countless hours. I know that my role as mother will continue, albeit in a different way, but I feel like I am being fired from the best job I’ve ever had.
I am also realizing that I am now on the back side of the bell curve where graduating college, getting my first job, looking forward to love are all behind me. My youth and many “firsts” are in the rear view mirror.
What new things will I be able to look forward to and get excited about? What will my journey look like? It feels like I am straddling two boats and know soon I will need to lift my foot from one only to plant it firmly on the other. This in between time is certainly an interesting one. Being so happy and sad at the same time is a bit unsettling.
For those of you who have experienced this, I would gladly welcome your perspective. Things are changing rapidly. I DO know that I will come out on the other side~~I’m just not sure what the other side will be.
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Wow Mary! I’m so happy for you and at the same time I’m sad that you’re experiencing the emotions that bring you down a bit. Although I am too young to relate personally to what you’re experiencing, I will say that you described it quite clearly and I can understand. Can I say something, though?
I just want to say that women your age have no idea what your presence and success means to women of my age and younger. I see your children who are well-raised and your stability as a wife and woman and it is enough! You are enough!
You will be a mom forever, and if you think your children still don’t need you, you’re soooo wrong! LOL We need our parents forever, just in different capacities. I can still understand though how you feel!
I’m so glad you shared this on your blog though because there are so many emotions that women go through in life and yet, sometimes they are taboo. My heart is so heavy for you!
I am keeping you in my thoughts Mary and I hope you feel better!
Your daughter’s prom dress was beautiful by the way… 🙂
Gabie,
Thank you for taking the time to write such kind words. I perhaps have never seen myself as an older mentor, but I’m happy to take on that role! With such support and great advice, I am weeping less and knowing that whatever comes my way, will be what I am supposed to do. Thank you, my friend!
You will always be. Mom to your children no matter the age …. As your children start on the next phase of adulthood you will always be there to ,listen, give advice ( but only when asked! ) and be supportive.
There is a whole new world out there for you to explore …. just follow your instincts and you will find your way .
I have found that life is a series of changes we gradually adapt to and every phase may be a little unsettling but finding our “nitch” is what makes us stronger and more confident.
Stay well,
Judy
Judy,
Thank you for your kind words and great advice. I am so blessed to have followers like you!
When I was at where you are now I felt like I had one foot on the dock and one foot in the boat. The dock being my life up to that point…the dock the uncertain future. Life goes on whether we are ready of not so I had to put both feet into the boat or risk falling into the lake, Once firmly in the “boat” I found I could move into areas of my life that had been put off due to parenting obligations, family expectations, etc. I jumped into more volunteering depth with the Master Gardeners, began slowly doing more crafting, and planning more trips with my husband. It can be frightening to step off the dock…but you will find a fulfilling life, different than before, but fulfilling nevertheless. So step off!
Wow, this is a very interesting perspective. I like how you illustrated it also. Thank you for sharing!
Barbara,
Thank you for making me feel like I’m not the only one that has these emotions! Such great advice and thank you for taking the time to share your experience!